Have you ever had your dream come true because you were a horrible person?
I have.
Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Revive Our Hearts made my dream come true of getting to personally thank her for letting God use her to free me from my horrible pride after I destroyed a friendship over a few words.
So much pride.
ROH recorded my story in an interview of how over 20 years ago God used Nancy’s message on brokenness and pride to set me free from a mountain of pride and transform my life.
We all need God to do this work in us because we all struggle with pride.It was the original sin, and I’m convinced it’s at the heart of every other sin.
Watch the video below as I share my story of what God did in my prideful heart after I destroyed a friendship over a few words.
And listen to the podcast hosted by Nancy Wolgemuth and Dannah Gresh.
If you want the rest of the story, read my post below the video and podcast.
“How dare she!”
Eons ago a dear friend said something I can’t remember, but I remembered it then. And I remembered it often.
Each time I thought about her and her comment, rage boiled over in my heart.
“How dare she!”
I stewed over her verbal slight until it grew in my mind into a monstrous offense.
Her insult destroyed our friendship, and she didn’t even know it. But I did.
Every thought of her turned my stomach, which sickened me. I knew my unforgiveness grieved God, but I felt powerless to change.
“Help me forgive her, Lord!”
Day after day I prayed, “Help me forgive her, Lord!” But I couldn’t. Why? What’s wrong with me?
No matter how hard I tried to forgive her, my anger derailed my attempts.
One morning as I read the Bible, a thought came to me. “I’ll write her a letter.” (These were the days before text messages and email.)
Maybe the sheer act of asking her to forgive me for my bad attitude would set me free so I sat down to write.
I knew I couldn’t mention a word about what she’d done—her wretched sin. My letter had to be about me and my sin.
I couldn’t dare write a fake apology and strike a veiled jab as in, “Please forgive me for being angry over the awful thing you said to me.”
The moment I mailed off the letter, my heart soared. I felt free again. My heart felt light.
When her response arrived in my mailbox, I ripped it open with eager anticipation.
She’d written: “I forgive you.”
Wait. what? She forgives me???
Over 20 years later, I still remember the fierceness of the anger that rose in me.
She forgives me??? I didn’t do anything wrong. She did. She started it!
I crumpled up her letter and dumped it into the trash along with our friendship. Done!
You’re Invited!
A few months after that day, I got invited to a Women to Women conference in Myrtle Beach, SC.
The flyer said Nancy Leigh DeMoss (now Wolgemuth) would be sharing on Brokenness and Revival.
I’d never heard of Nancy, nor did I have a clue what she meant by brokenness or revival. But she’d promised to help us with unforgiveness. (Hmmmm.) Plus, it was a weekend at the beach with friends.
I signed up. And God changed my life forever.
Over the course of the weekend, Nancy corrected my misunderstanding of brokenness (it’s not just a bunch of broken people who need prayer) and revival (she wasn’t referring to shouting preachers under tents in the summer).
She opened the Bible and revealed the Truth. She taught us the power of brokenness and the heart that God revives. She showed us how to humbly surrender all the insidious pride that mounts to the sky and is hidden in the corners of our hearts.
Nancy didn’t hold back. She gave us a clear picture of what a prideful person looks like. The more she talked the better picture I got. This horrible, prideful person was me.
I felt like Adam and Eve in the Garden—naked and ashamed. My sin was exposed, and it was ugly.
But then Nancy showed us what God says about revival.
Ah, sweet revival! I wanted it. I needed it. And I found it the moment Nancy said these words:
“It’s not that we can’t forgive. It’s that we don’t want to forgive. The moment we want to, we do.”
And so I did.
A Crumbling Mountain of Pride
God’s Word had revealed the mountain of pride in my heart. It rose to heaven like the Tower of Babel.
Horror overwhelmed me as I compared my mountain of sin to my friend’s molehill of offense.
I now saw that my mountain deeply offended the holy God of the universe. And yet He chose to forgive me, fully and freely, because of Christ.
How could I stand before God with my lowering sin and choose to withhold forgiveness from my friend over a few words? Over a molehill-sized offense?
Nancy showed us through the story of David and Bathsheba the true state of our sinfulness.
Even if someone’s sin against us is monstrous and criminal, our sin against God is worse. He is the LORD, our holy and almighty God. He’s the author of our very lives. How do we dare complain against anything He does or allows?
All His ways are perfect. If He allowed my friend to say hurtful words to me, that’s God’s choice. Her sin was against God alone. It was between my friend and God. Not me.
My sin was in clinging and nursing her offense rather than forgiving as Christ had forgiven me.
As Nancy spoke, everything came into focus and I spilled many tears over my sin. But my tears of grief transformed into tears of joy because my heart was finally, truly free. God had revived my heart.
Seeking Forgiveness
I never wanted to lose this feeling of being free from the muck of pride.
I’d released it to God. How could I jump back into the darkness of pride when it had made me so miserable and offended God? I knew what I needed to do. I had to seek forgiveness from my friend for real this time. That’s how I’d know if my brokenness was genuine or just an emotional experience without real substance.
As soon as I got home, I called my ex-friend.
Would my heart return to its pre-conference anger when she answered the phone?
Relief washed over me as the sound of her voice didn’t sour my joy.
We met for coffee that week, and I shared the whole sordid tale.
She forgave me—again.
She also didn’t ask for forgiveness for “her part” in the conflict—again.
But this time I didn’t care. In fact, I was glad she didn’t because I might never have known how truly broken I’d become if she’d asked me to forgive her.
I didn’t need her to be sorry. I was truly free!
What about You? Are you Free?
What about you? Are you free from the mountain of pride that plagues all mankind? Have you experienced the sweetness of brokenness and revival?
I wrote a post for Revive our Hearts that shares the life-changing Truths of Brokenness and Revival: The Perfect Blend of Heat and Sweet.
Discover these Truths for yourself and enjoy the freedom and joy of living without pride ruling your heart:
