TRANSCRIPT
Are you a Member of a Bible Study Discussion Group? And if you are, are you a good member?
If you’re not sure, after this message, you’ll be a great member—or your money back. (You didn’t pay for this, right?)
In today’s episode, I’m sharing five tips to help you get the most out of your time in your discussion group.
I’m Jean Wilund, but It’s All About Him! Welcome to a fun place to get serious about Bible study.
Alright, so let’s dive in with our five tips, starting with Tip #1: Pray
Everything starts and ends with the Lord, so pray always.
The Holy Spirit is our guide, so let’s pray and ask Him to give us:
—the wisdom we need as we study and share in our discussion group,
—the courage we need to speak up if we’re nervous, and
—the control we need to stop talking if we’re over-zealous and over-chatty.
Which leads me to my second and third tips.
Tip #2: Display Control
And
Tip #3: Display Courage
It seems like every group has at least one member who can’t seem to get herself to speak up and share her thoughts and one who can’t seem to get herself to stop sharing her thoughts so that others can share theirs. (Guess which one I am! It seems I’ve got more courage than control.)
Tip #2: Display Control
If you’re like me, and you’re the chatty one, let’s display control!
We get so excited about the truths we’re learning, we just can’t wait to share. And boy, do we.
Our group leader is thankful for us because we’re willing to talk. But she doesn’t want us to monopolize the discussion.
The Lord taught me this lesson during a Bible study years ago when I had met my match. I was in a discussion group and was outgunned by another chatty member. She was even more verbal than I.
She dove in with great insights and thoughts on the passage, but I had thoughts I wanted to share. And I could barely get a word in edgewise. But I did. I managed to get my words in there. Except what I shared didn’t really even add to the conversation.
The Holy Spirit convicted me that night that I was more excited about sharing what I knew than I was about sharing truth—or being a good group member.
I determined never again to monopolize in a discussion group. I’d share only if my thoughts had not already been clearly expressed, and if what I had to share added to the conversation—didn’t just extend the conversation.
So Chatty ones, let’s unite and commit to display control. We can do it. Let’s imagine we have to pay for each word we use. We’d get to the point pretty quickly then, wouldn’t we.
How to Help Chatty Ones Display Control
And other group members, listen up. We need your help.
If you’re in a group with us—the chatty ones—you may be looking to your leader to control us, but your leader may feel no more equipped to handle Ms. Chatty without discouraging her than anyone else in the group. Help your leader out.
If you’re sitting next to the chatty one, maybe gently place your hand on their knee or arm with a genuine smile, kindly interrupt them with encouraging words such as, “That’s a great point.” Or “I loved what you said there.” And then immediately add something like, “I’d like to ask a question of the others in the group. What’s helped you?” Or “What do you think about this passage?” Or something like that to include others in the conversation.
God’s Word is our guide. Colossians 4:6 reminds us, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
We’re in this together. Chatty probably doesn’t really intend to monopolize. If so, you’ll need to have a private conversation with Chatty later and help them see the need to encourage other to talk. Maybe even enlist Chatty’s help.
But more likely, the chatty ones probably just need a gentle reminder to share the discussion time.
Now this is for you Quiet Ones. This next tip is for you:
Tip #3: Display Courage
If you’re the quiet one, you’re probably more than happy to let others keep speaking so there’s no time for the leader to turn to you.
The problem, though, is the group stops being a discussion group and becomes a monologue group. That’s not what we want. That’s not helpful.
Let me enCOURAGE you, Quiet Ones, to display courage. Your group wants to hear from you, So, pray. Ask the Lord if He wants you to share anything. If you feel Him leading you to talk or to ask a question, trust Him for the strength—and obey. That’s all I’m asking.
And you chatty ones and everyone else in the group, be okay with silence. Give the more nervous ones time to get their thoughts together.
Honestly, sometimes they’re not even nervous. They’re thinking.
Be Okay with Silence
We need time to gather our thoughts. But some people can get uncomfortable with silence, and so Ms. Chatty feels like, “Oh, I’d better say something because everyone is just staring at each other.”
But really the quieter ones may be just processing and thinking through, so let’s be okay with a time of silence. Let everybody get their thoughts together and share. We don’t have to rush to an answer.
Feel free, if you are nervous, feel free to start small. Maybe just volunteer to read a question. It’s okay if you don’t answer the question. Maybe just read it out of the book. That will get you to break the ice of talking to the group.
Let God’s Spirit continue to grow you in confidence and comfort to share in the group.
Avoid Pride—Embrace Humility
Maybe you don’t feel qualified. Or you have no idea what to say. Maybe you’re afraid everyone will think your dumb or biblically illiterate.
Now, I was the chatty one, but there were times when I felt like, I don’t know what to say. If I say anything, I’ll just look stupid.
If you’re not talking because you’re embarrassed, may I be blunt with you? Who cares what they think? Really, why do we care what others think?
The answer is pride.
If their thoughts about us aren’t honoring the Lord, He’ll deal with them. We don’t have to deal with them, but He will deal with us if we’re letting pride control us.
Our responsibility is to lean in and trust the Lord. And to be a contributing member of the discussion group.
We have no idea what others are going through or wondering about unless they tell us, right? Well, it goes both ways. Two or more people in the same group could be having the exact same thoughts and questions, but if no one speaks up, except Ms. Chatty, we’ll never know that there are others just like us.
Your courage may be exactly what others need to develop their courage.
I’m not suggesting we talk for the sake of talking. Just don’t let pride keep you from talking any more than the chatty ones should let their pride keep them constantly talking.
Let’s encourage each other by displaying control and courage.
Now Tip #4: No Gossiping, Grumbling, or Oversharing
Have you ever been in a group where someone shared a story or a challenge that they were going through with another person, and they basically shared that person’s secrets and trashed them at the same time, whether it was their husband, employer, child, or someone else?
It’s very awkward, uncomfortable, and not at all uplifting. So, let’s be careful that our words lift up rather than tear others down. Let’s heed Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:29: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for building up what is needed, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
I realize often the pain that the Grumbler, Gossiper, or Over-sharer is going through could be so deep that they’re not even aware how their words are affecting the others in the group or how hurtful their words might be, and that they’re not giving grace to those who hear. They may be oblivious to that.
They more than likely need to meet with someone where they can talk through their struggles in private. But in the moment, what do you do when this happens?
How to Help Gossipers, Grumblers, or Over-sharers
Like with the Chatty one, as soon as possible, gently interrupt them and then turn it into an encouraging teaching moment for the whole group. Ask the other ladies in the group, “How can we encourage our sister in Christ? What does God’s Word speak into this situation?”
This is one the great benefits of a group discussion. We can encourage each other with truth, gently and humbly.
I’m not saying to correct her or put her on the spot and say, “Well, you shouldn’t be sharing that.” (That’s for in private.)
Instead, acknowledge her pain. Say to her something like: “This sounds like a very difficult situation. Let’s go to God’s Word and see how your heart can be encouraged.”
Now, if you recognize that you’re often the Grumbler, Gossiper, or Over-sharer, please don’t be sensitive or embarrassed if you’re interrupted. Please be humble before the Lord and your group. Because remember pride destroys us. As James reminds us, God “gives greater grace…God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6).
What a great example that will be to others to see a humble response.
Now we come to Tip # 5: Commit.
Tip # 5: Commit
Commit to your group and to the study. Now, what this will look like is going to depend on what’s going on in your life.
You might be free and available to attend every meeting. Do it. Come. Attend.
Don’t decide to stay home because you’ve had a long day, and you’re tired, or you didn’t do the reading. Commit.
However, you might not be able to attend every meeting due to health, work, or other legitimate conflicts. That’s fine. But be faithful to do the work at home so that when you are able to attend, you have much to contribute to the discussion.
As Colossians encourages us: “Whatever we do, let’s do our work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).
So, I’ve given us five tips to help us be great discussion group members:
1. Let’s pray,
2. Display control,
3. Display courage,
4. Don’t be a grumbler, gossiper, or over-sharer, and
5. Let’s commit to the study and our group as unto the Lord.
Then we will be amazing members of our group. And we’ll bring great glory God.
After all, It’s All About Him!
