Letting go meant goodbye.
She’d walk through security and board her plane bound for Hawaii to live 4,677 miles away.
I finally let go and leaned into my husband Larry as she walked away.
I needed to be held.
Years earlier I held on, not to my child, but my rights.
I don’t remember what Larry and I disagreed about. I just remember he was wrong and I was right.
He saw it differently.
I held onto my position, chained to my control.
In my heart, I heard these words: Lay it down and let it go, Jean.
“But he’s wrong.”
Lay it down and let it go.
If You Both Keep Pulling, It’s Going to Break
It reminds me of when my kids were young and fighting over the same toy.
I’d tell them, “Just let it go. If you both keep pulling, it’s going to break. Let it go, and we’ll talk about it.”
But now I was guilty of the same thing. I was holding on, wrestling for control.
But it wasn’t Larry I was fighting. I was fighting God.
If I didn’t stop fighting and just let go, God might decide to let go instead.
He might let me have my own way.
While that might sound enticing — like I’d won — I’d learned better by then.
I’d held on for too long, too many times before, and gotten my own way. It never worked out well. It always seemed to play out differently than I’d imagined it would in my head.
I’ve finally learned that if God and I are ever on the opposite sides of a situation, I’m the one on the wrong side.
Peace Comes When We Let Go and Just Be Held.
I bowed my knees and my heart to God that day. I laid down my rights, my control.
I expected to feel disgruntled, like someone who’d done the right thing but wasn’t happy about it. So you can imagine my surprise when I felt peace instead.
I felt held.
I hadn’t realized how hard I’d been holding on and how tiring holding on can be.
God didn’t change Larry’s mind. He changed my heart.
I can’t remember what I’d been standing so firm against all those years ago, but I still remember the peace that took over when I let go.
It’s the same peace that held me as I stood at both of my parents’ graves.
And the same peace that comforted me as Brittany walked out of sight.
God Holds Us In The Pain.
God’s willing to let us feel debilitating pain, but He holds us through it. I’ve talked about this truth many times — and I’ll keep talking about it.
God knows what He’s doing when He lets us walk down dark, painful paths.
In time we’ll understand. But in the moment we hate it.
We want off the rocky road. We beg Him to place us on a more comfortable path.
When we finally come to the place where we’re ready to stop fighting and lay it all down, we find God there.
We can fall into His strong arms and just be held.
The very One we’re fighting is the same One who wants to hold us.#God - The very One we're fighting is the same One who wants to hold us. #JustBeHeld @castingcrowns #Faith Click To Tweet
Let the words of Casting Crown’s song, Just Be Held encourage you to surrender to God.
If you’re fighting for control, find your strength in God to let it go, and just be held.
Larry took the picture at the top of this post as Brittany and I held each other at the airport security. I lost myself in our embrace.
I went back in time to when I held her as a newborn infant.
I thought about when she’d pretend to be hurt as a toddler so I’d hold her.
And I remembered the many times she nestled into my arms as a little girl to watch a movie.
Then I memorized the feeling of her arms surrounding me and the feel of her hair against my cheek. I listened to her breathing.
I’d never taken in a moment so carefully.
And I felt completely loved being held in her embrace.
God will hold us even closer if we’ll let go and just be held.